Take a Stand

I just want to preface this blog with this: 

The word diet has so many negative connotations (I've mentioned that before, I think). However, what we eat is our diet. If that changes, and the foods you can/will eat are limited, that's just a new diet. What I'm about to talk about is my current diet, of which I just began week two of six.

One of the hardest parts about giving yourself a strict diet--one on which you have to eat certain things at certain times of the day, and on which you can't have certain foods--is eating with and/or around other people.

Don't get me wrong, I dislike eating alone. If I'm alone all day (well, before my scheduled six-meals-a-day lifestyle), I could eat maybe once and not even notice that I hadn't had regular meals until my stomach growled. Eating alone just feels weird to me. However, when you're strict with your food consumption, eating with other people can often be very, very difficult.

I've said it before. I'll say it again. I love sugar. I'm sure it's because I've allowed myself to eat sugar for the past 27 years whenever I wanted. I'm sure that I have a mild (yeah right) addiction to it. I'm sure there are a million reasons why I love sugar, but they're all irrelevant, because at the end of the day, all I know is, I love it. I crave it. I battle my desire for it many, many times each day.

On my new diet, I'm allowed very little complex sugar, and no simple sugar. Translation: I get fruit a few times a day, I get vegetables a few times a day, I get just a teensy-weensy bit of milk in my coffee, and I get absolutely no instantly satisfying, hip-widening, belly-fattening chocolatey goodness (except for carbo-load-body-reset day, which happens once every two weeks. You have no idea how much I look forward to that day.).

For a sugar addict, going from simple sugar whenever I wanted to almost no sugar is tough, but it's manageable if you have will power and someone (like a wonderful husband) to support you. However, when you're faced with people around you eating it...it's feels nearly impossible.

I'm not upset with anyone. 

I don't want everyone around me to alter their diets while I'm. 

I'm not judging what they eat (if anything, I'm jealous!) or when they eat it. 

Rather, I'm discouraged with myself, because I can't control my brain enough not to panic a little when I see someone else eat chocolate, or ice cream, or potato chips (I know they're not sweet, but they're carby, which is just as good), or even drink juice. Something in my brains says, "They get it! You should, too!!"

My brain is a big old whiney baby. It needs to shut up.

True, it's tough to not be able to eat what I want when I want it, but it's way tougher to be really out of shape and really over weight. I've struggled my whole life with keeping my weight down, and I'm finally on the path to getting it to a healthy range while getting in shape!

Is it still going to be hard to sit by and watch people eat chocolate or ice cream when I won't let myself? 

Of course. 

Am I still going to crave chocolate chip cookies randomly? 

Yes. 

Am I going to break down and let myself have those foods, just because they would taste good? 

No. 

Two months ago, I would have said yes, but not anymore. For the first time, I'm taking control of what I eat instead of letting it control me. 

Food should be the fuel that keeps us going--nothing more and nothing less. You only get the one body, so give it the fuel it needs. You wouldn't put corn syrup in your car's gas tank, and you can't drive on empty. If you struggle with food-stuff--whether it's eating too much, eating too little, or just eating the wrong things--I encourage you to take a stand and to take care of your body.

Vacation Reboot

Last week was mine and my husband's one year wedding anniversary. We were lucky enough to be able to spend it at Myrtle Beach while his band played a conference. It was a wonderful trip!

However, because we were on vacation, and away from home where my fridge and pantries were stocked with diet-friendly foods, I wasn't able to stick to my new diet/menu...at all.

I'm happy to say that, in most situations, I tried to choose the healthier option, but I didn't stick to my 1200 calorie a day goal, nor did I stick to my portion sizes that Vince wrote out for me.

That being said, I'm rebooting my six-week-plan.

Today is, yet again, day one of my six-week weight-loss plan. Back to measuring foods and choosing foods that will help my body get rid of excess fat.

On the plus side, because I'm restarting my diet, I got to weigh myself before the initial six week mark. After two weeks of this diet, plus just under a week of eating like I did before (not great, but not horribly either) I'd lost 5 pounds!


So, it's back to the carefully-planning-what-I-eat-grind. It's going to be totally worth it in six weeks when, maybe, I look closer to the way I've always wanted to look.

Week Two: Hypoglycemia

I started a new, healthy, weight-loss diet a week and two days ago.  So far, I'm proud to say that I've stuck to that diet without faltering! I haven't snuck in any candy or cookies (though I've been very tempted), and for that, I'm very, very proud of myself.

Since I started this diet, I've learned something very important about myself. I'd love to say that I learned will power or self control, or something that sounded really introspective and analytical, but I didn't. Rather, I learned, through trial and error, that there's a very good chance that I'm hypoglycemic.

For those of you who don't know (because I didn't!), hypoglycemia is a condition that occurs when your blood sugar is too low. I've always snacked on sugar-rich things throughout the day (crackers, cookies, flavored lattes, candies, really whatever I could get my hands on), so my sugar has never really had the opportunity to get low. A few times over the course of the last few years, I waited too long to eat and got really irritable and a little nauseated, but I always ate fairly quickly and it went away. I attributed these things to hunger and nothing more. It wasn't until last weekend, at my parents' house, that I figured out it was most likely something more. (I haven't been officially diagnosed, because I'm terrified of needles, but I'm pretty confident based on what happened last weekend.)

I started my diet Wednesday. On Saturday, at around 11 pm, I was sitting in a chair in my parents' living room. Vince and Joey (my husband and my brother) were on the couch across from me.

All of a sudden, for no reason at all, I felt mad and then sad. Maybe a minute later, I got nauseated like I had been in a car on a curvy road staring at my phone for too long. My hands and feet started to feel like they suddenly had big, thick socks or mittens on them. My face went numb, except for my lips, which tingled. I could feel tears running down my face, but I didn't understand why I was crying.

Vince looked over at me and asked if I was all right. I said I was. He didn't believe me and quickly went to the kitchen, got me an apple, and put it in my hand. I just stared at it and thought, If I eat this, I'll vomit. But he made me eat it anyway, even after I very sluggishly told him I'd ralph.

Just seconds after that first bite of cool, crisp, juicy sweetness (I really love apples), it felt like someone was pulling a wet spiderweb off my face. I could feel the sugar rushing to my head then down in my arms and legs. After just a minute or so, I was normal again.

On this new diet, I drink a fruit and protein smoothie after my workout every weekday. Vince and I don't workout on the weekends, so this was the first day of my diet when I didn't get fruit/sugar in the afternoon. That's why my body freaked out. It was scary enough that I'm now overly aware of how I'm feeling, and I'm always prepared to go grab an apple or something if those symptoms even start to rear their ugly little heads.

This is not a toy. Use only in case of an emergency.

The Beginning of Something New

Today is the beginning of something new.

I asked my husband, who's very health conscious, to help me come up with a new eating plan so that I wouldn't have to think about food so much, and so that I would know that I was eating the right things. Also, I want to drop some more weight, and this is the best possible way (coupled with regular exercise). It's not a "diet," it's a new way of looking at food.

Here's the plan:

5 am

Breakfast

-3 egg whites

-peppers, tomatoes, spinach

-blueberries (1 serving)

7-8 am

Snack #1

-small tuna pack

-small apple

10-11 am

Lunch

-4 oz. poultry

-veggies

1-2 pm

Snack #2

-almonds (1 serving)

4-5 pm

Dinner

-4 oz. poultry or fish

-veggies

7-8 pm

Snack #3

-cottage cheese (1 serving)

-celery

All of this should be coupled with at least 8 cups of water a day (thank goodness for my 32 oz. Nalgene water bottle!). Also, I still get my delicious post-workout fruit and protein smoothie. I forgot to mention before that I'm also allowed coffee and tea on this plan, as long as I don't add any sweeteners (I don't want to add sugar-substitutes because of possible negative health effects). I can, however, add a little milk (which is delicious in coffee and some tea!). This plan, coupled with the multivitamin I already take, and my workout schedule (which is becoming more solid, finally) I know will give me the results I want. 

I want to be able to wear shorts, or a bathing suit, or a tank top, and not feel uncomfortable. I don't wanna go around in clothes that are inappropriate, but I do want to be able to wear summer clothes without feeling like everyone's staring, thinking, She should not be wearing that.

I want to be healthy, fit, and comfortable in my own skin. So, when I say this is the beginning of something new, I mean to stick to it so that those things can be possible.

Breakfast today! It was delicious, 

and I didn't feel like

crap after I ate it. Success!

*UPDATE!*

Yesterday was my first day on the new diet, and it was great! Every time I started to feel a little hungry, it was time for another snack or meal! I used my Fitness Pal on my phone, and my daily calories were almost exactly 1200! The smoothie (strawberry banana from Starbucks) was 300 calories, but I burned 203 calories on the elliptical and did weights for my arms yesterday. Without the smoothie (and without the exercise), I would've come in at just under 1200 calories for the day (I think). I'll be able to tell for sure this weekend, as I don't go to the gym on Saturdays or Sundays, so my calorie count will only include food.

When I told Vince the plan he came up with was almost right at 1200 calories (my goal, not his), he said he was gonna do a little dance. (I'm still waiting for said dance.) I also told him that a few people were thinking about doing this menu (or one like it) too! If anyone else gave this a shot, I'd love to hear about it, and so would he. Thanks to everyone for all the love and support!

My Love/Hate Relationship with Food

I have a love/hate relationship with food. I understand the purpose of food. We eat food so that our bodies can live, and if we eat the right foods, our bodies will respond in positive ways. I even love to eat food. Give me a big old salad, or some grilled chicken or steak, and I'm a happy girl. The problem comes from the fact that I love food too much, and I love the wrong kinds of food.

I love vegetables, meat, fruits, dairy, juices, snacks, chocolate, candies, ice cream, and soda. I love it all. But I love sugar the most. If you put a box of chocolates down in front of me, and leave me in a room alone with it for a couple of hours, that entire box is going to be empty, and the remnants (bits of chocolate stuck to plastic, and the cardboard box-shell) will have disappeared. No evidence means no crime, right?

I love sugar. 

This is what I hate about food.

When I was younger, I ate what I wanted, and after high school, the pounds were packed on. I tried different diets, but the pull of food was too strong. I would be on my diet for a while, and then, without warning, my resolve would crumble, and I would binge. I've tried moderation, a few pieces of dark chocolate every few nights while I watch a movie, but that just kickstarts something in my brain that craves it more, and more, and more. I'm like a sugar zombie.

Now, after many years and many failed attempts at controlling this addiction, I've come to a place where just the thought of eating certain foods makes me feel guilty.

I think my conscious brain says that I really want the chocolate, or the ice cream, or the peppermint mocha espresso drink, and my subconscious brain responds by flooding me with a feeling of guilt, as if I'd already consumed said sugary treat, which results in my mood swinging way down. So, even without consuming the delicious, fat-building, teeth-decaying food, I feel like I have. This can't be healthy.


Vince and I were in Meijer the other day. We went in to return a movie, and to get a snack to eat while we watched the movie. He grabbed a bar of dark chocolate, and all I could think was, Man, it sure would be nice to have some ice cream. As soon as I thought it, I felt disgusted with myself. What would Vince think if he had a few small pieces of dark chocolate, while I sat there and gorged myself on a minty-chocolatey-dairy concoction? In reality, he'd probably think either that his dark chocolate tasted good, or that the movie we were watching was just okay (it was John Carter. I liked it all right.). But in my head he would be thinking of how utterly disgusting I was for consuming that much sugar.

Needless to say, I didn't buy the ice cream. He offered me some of his dark chocolate and I refused it. And I spent the rest of the night feeling like Fatty McFatterson simply for wanting to eat the ice cream I didn't buy, and his chocolate.

When I eat healthy foods, like grilled chicken, broccoli, cauliflower, and a baked baby red potato, I feel great afterward. When I eat sugary foods, generally I feel like crap afterward. Yet, what do I crave? Sugar.

My goal is to break myself from craving the things that make me feel crappy. I want to, eventually, be able to have ice cream or chocolate on occasion without it being an enormous emotional deal, but right now, that means seriously limiting what I allow myself. It's gotten to the point where, even though I know that eating dinner is best for me, it's hard for me to do it. Luckily, my biology wins out over my brain, and when my tummy growls, I put food in it, but I'm overly aware that I'm eating, and that eating is what can make me fat...I know (which is good) that I'm bordering on a serious eating issue. I was at this place, emotionally, in high school, and I got away from it. I know I can back away from this precipice now, too. But the only way I know how to handle it is to cut out any and all food that might tempt me in a bad way, that way when I eat the good-for-me-foods, there won't be any guilt (because there shouldn't be.).

I don't know if this is the best way to approach this, but I've run out of ideas. If anyone has any ideas, I'd be more than happy to listen.

Every Journey Starts Somewhere

This is Vince

Every journey starts somewhere. Mine began when I met the man who would be my husband, Vince (you'll be hearing a lot about him).

For 25 years, I ate what I wanted and exercised sporadically. I spent a majority of my time drinking sweet things, eating crunchy things, and enjoying activities that required that I use my hands, eyes, and brain (and which I could sit on my butt to do).

When I met Vince, all that changed. See, I'm the kind of person who mimics the people around them. I don't mean to do it, but I'm always so scared that they'll reject me, that I try to fit in with them by being similar to them. Meeting Vince was no exception. When I met him, my world was turned on its head. He was like no one I'd ever met. So when I discovered how aware he was of the foods he ate and the way he treated his body, I started to be aware of those things to.

This is Juno

We started hanging out (sitting up until 3 or 4 in the morning singing and talking) in December of 2010. Somewhere between there and February of 2011, we started dating, and we got a dog. She was a one-year-old red doberman that was being abused by the other dogs in her family. We took her without hesitation.

In December, I started thinking about what I ate. I ate what Vince ate, and tried when we were apart (which wasn't often) to eat healthy foods. In February, after we got our wonderful pup, I had to start thinking about fitness.

We walked Juno every day at least once. We wanted to walk her for an hour if we could. In just a couple of months (from December to April or so) I dropped quite a few pounds and inches. It felt great.

Our Wedding Day

In July of 2011, just a few months after we announced officially to the world that we were an item, we decided to go ahead and get married. We gave ourselves plenty of time to get in shape for the wedding...just over two weeks. (Lots of people thought that I was pregnant, but we were just really, really excited, and really, really sure.)

In those two weeks, my old roommate, Lydia (who's expecting her first baby in October!) made us a workout plan. She's a personal trainer, so I knew it would be tough. And let me tell you, it was tough! I don't think I've ever been so sore in my entire life than after a few days of her workout.

In two weeks you don't see much of a difference, but it was the workout series that kickstarted the journey I'm on now.

After we got married, we decided that we would pay to be members of a gym here in Richmond (the Richmond Athletic Club). There, I started taking Zumba, running/jogging on the elliptical, and using free weights (mainly for my arms), and most recently, I started taking Yoga and doing the abs workout used in P90x videos.

In the 11 months since we've been married, I've seen definite improvement in my muscle tone (meaning, there is starting to actually be muscle tone), but I'm nowhere close to being where I want to be.

My plan is to dedicate this blog to my weight loss/muscle toning/fitness journey. I titled it I Want to Be a Tree because of a blog post I wrote on my other blog, Love is the Key to Everything (if you wanna check it out, there's a tab link at the top of the page!). I hope using this blog to document my successes and failures will help keep me motivated to keep going. I'll share my struggles, my weaknesses, and my victories for anyone who wants to read it. My hope is that at least one person will benefit from my story, and maybe add to it with their own.