Totem Animal: Deer

Tonight, my friend Casey and I were talking about how she discovered her spirit guide/animal during her yoga teacher training. I was very curious about what mine was, so she got out her Medicine Cards and handed them to me. I held them, shuffled them, focused on the kind of person I wanted to be and about what kind of life I wanted to live, I focused on what was important to me (being a good mom someday, a good wife, a good daughter, and loving my friends and the people around me as much as I could), and then I flipped a card over. 

I drew Deer. 

When I drew the card, it was Contrary (upside down), but I'll get to that. 

While I don't think I live up to what Deer is yet (the Contrary is definitely more where my life is right now), it is what I want my life to be like. 

Here's what the book, Medicine Cards, says about Deer.

Deer (Gentleness):

One day Fawn heard Great Spirit calling to her from the top of Sacred Mountain. Fawn immediately started up the trail. She did not know that a horrible demon guarded the way to Great Spirit's lodge. The demon was trying to keep all the beings of creation from connecting with Great Spirit. He wanted all of Great Spirit's creatures to feel that Great Spirit did not want to be disturbed. This would make the demon fell powerful, and capable of causing them to fear him.

Fawn was not at all frightened when she came upon the demon. This was curious, as the demon was the archetype of all the ugly monsters that have ever been. The demon breathed fire and smoke and made disgusting sounds to frighten Fawn. Any normal creature would have fled or died on the spot from fright.

Fawn, however, said gently to the demon, "Please let me pass. I am on the way to see Great Spirit."

Fawn's eyes were filled with love and compassion for this oversized bully of a demon. The demon was astounded by Fawn's lack of fear. No matter how he tried, he could not frighten Fawn, because her love had penetrated his hardened, ugly heart.

Much to demon's dismay, his rock-hard heart began to melt, and his body shrank to the size of a walnut. Fawn's persistent love and gentleness had caused the melt-down of the demon. Due to this gentleness and caring that Fawn embodied, the pathway was now clear for all of Great Spirit's children to reach Sacred Mountain without having to feel the demons of fear blocking their way.

Deer teaches us to use the power of gentleness to touch the hearts and minds of wounded beings who are trying to keep us from Sacred Mountain. Like the dappling Fawn's coat, both the light and dark may be loved to create gentleness and safety for those who are seeking peace.

If Deer has gently nudged its way into your life today, you are being asked to find the gentleness of spirit that heals all wounds. Stop pushing so hard to get others to change, and love them as they are. Apply gentleness to your present situation and become like the summer breeze: warm and caring. This is your tool for solving the present dilemma you are facing. If you use it, you will connect with Sacred Mountain, your centering place of serenity, and Great Spirit will guide you.

When you draw a card upside down (Contrary), it means something a little different. I drew Deer Contrary, rather than just Deer. Here's what the book had to say. When I initially read it, I couldn't help but laugh at how true this was for my life. Somehow, reading it shone light on some issues of mine that I haven't seen a way to get away from. I think this is going to help me immensely, and I'm so excited about that!

Contrary:

Deer in the contrary position indicates that you are courting your fear by fighting the internal demons of negative ideas. This is a clue to you that force is not always the best method. You may not be willing to love yourself enough to feel your fears and let them go. You may be projecting your fears on others. It may also be others whom you fear, reminding you of a time when you reacted to life in much the same manner. At any rate, love is the key. The only true balance to power is the love and compassion of Deer. Be willing to find things to love about yourself and others, and your demons will melt away. Your fears cannot exist in the same place that love and gentleness abide.

Remember, Fawn can teach you many lessons about unconditional love. In its true application, unconditional love means that no strings are attached. The gentleness of Fawn is the heart-space of Great Spirit which embodies Great Spirit's love for us all.

If you know me at all, you'll know that this speaks so loudly to me about my life.

I struggle with loving myself, and with fears that are based around others loving me, every single day without exception.

How interesting and wonderful to read this and hear it so clearly in my heart.

Overview:

As a power animal, Deer stresses that there are other ways than force, and shows that there is a power in the gentle word and touch, and that strength comes through caring.

You are confronted by those whose attitudes cause you pain and sorrow, and sometimes even fear. But it is they who are the wounded ones, and whoever tries to help them will only make matters worse. To soothe them you must touch their hearts with the healing balm of the gentle spirit and the embrace of kindness.

Deer teaches the need for compassion and kindness towards others and yourself. Don't drive yourself so harshly! Be gentle with yourself, and you will cease to project your fears onto others. Deer is a power animal that is directing you towards a serenity of heart, mind and spirit. Gentleness has the power to melt a heart of stone.

Be gentle with yourself and offer kindess to all living things.

One-Legged King Pigeon // Eka Pada Rajakapotasana

In the past couple of months, I've fallen in love with yoga. I love how it stretches me physically and mentally--how I find myself slowly accomplishing goals that I never thought I could reach. Each class, I find myself being able to bend a little more, stretch a little more, hold my weight a little longer, push a little further.

I'm still very much a beginner. I can't bend as much as I wish I could, or hold myself in positions that are challenging (like Plank or even Down Dog, which is supposed to be a restful position...I'm sure it will be, eventually) for as long as I'd like, but I see my progress in millimeters and sometimes even centimeters, and that encourages me.

When I first started yoga. I couldn't stand up straight, lean over, and touch my toes. I could almost touch my toes, but not quite. Now, very recently, I realized that, after I've warmed up my muscles and stretched them a bit, I can put my hands, palm down, flat on the ground (and by recently, I mean yesterday). When I first started yoga, I couldn't do a full plank for more than two or three seconds. I had to drop into half plank. Now, I can hold my body in full plank for...well, not very long, but longer than two or three seconds. It's still very, very hard for me, but I see improvement, and for me, that's huge.

I started this journey with Lisa Senetar, who teaches yoga in Berea at Fitness, Friends, & Fun. I still try to make it to her class every chance I can get, but as I don't have a membership there, it's gets a little bit expensive after a while. She was the first person to really challenge and encourage me to pursue this, and I'm so very thankful she did.

Now, I regularly take a class with Casey Stull, who teaches in Richmond at the Richmond Athletic Club where my husband and I have a membership, twice a week. At first, I was very, very nervous about this class. As I said, it's offered twice a week: Thursday is Beginner Level Yoga, and Tuesday is Power Yoga. As a novice, the idea of Power Yoga scared me. A lot. Luckily, Casey was very encouraging and understanding of my fear, and pushed me. Now, I very much look forward to both classes each week.

One of the things I love most about yoga, so far, is the fact that I never have to compete with anyone. I do what my body allows me to do, and I challenge myself accordingly. Every person has to move at their own speed, meet their own challenges, and do what their bodies' tell them. It's very personal, and in the end, when you make progress, it's very rewarding. Each time I go a little further into a stretch, or move into a posture a little easier or a little more steadily than I did the class before, there's a real sense of accomplishment that I've never felt before (at least as far as my personal physical health is concerned).

I asked Casey to teach me a pose I've seen in her class, as well as in yoga journals and online. Like any good newbie, I googled "yoga poses" when I first started and scrolled through them, making a mental list of the ones I eventually wanted to try. I came across a pose called King Pigeon or Kapotasana and immediately wanted to be able to do it. This is what a Full King Pigeon looks like:

One reason I love yoga so much is it showcases what the human body is capable of. 

As babies, we contort our bodies into impossible poses, yet as we grow older, we let those muscles grow tight because we don't use them in the same ways. I want my body to be able to do those things again, to move again, and I'm so excited that I've started that journey.

My King Pigeon: Day 1

*Thanks for helping me with the name, Casey!

Every Journey Starts Somewhere

This is Vince

Every journey starts somewhere. Mine began when I met the man who would be my husband, Vince (you'll be hearing a lot about him).

For 25 years, I ate what I wanted and exercised sporadically. I spent a majority of my time drinking sweet things, eating crunchy things, and enjoying activities that required that I use my hands, eyes, and brain (and which I could sit on my butt to do).

When I met Vince, all that changed. See, I'm the kind of person who mimics the people around them. I don't mean to do it, but I'm always so scared that they'll reject me, that I try to fit in with them by being similar to them. Meeting Vince was no exception. When I met him, my world was turned on its head. He was like no one I'd ever met. So when I discovered how aware he was of the foods he ate and the way he treated his body, I started to be aware of those things to.

This is Juno

We started hanging out (sitting up until 3 or 4 in the morning singing and talking) in December of 2010. Somewhere between there and February of 2011, we started dating, and we got a dog. She was a one-year-old red doberman that was being abused by the other dogs in her family. We took her without hesitation.

In December, I started thinking about what I ate. I ate what Vince ate, and tried when we were apart (which wasn't often) to eat healthy foods. In February, after we got our wonderful pup, I had to start thinking about fitness.

We walked Juno every day at least once. We wanted to walk her for an hour if we could. In just a couple of months (from December to April or so) I dropped quite a few pounds and inches. It felt great.

Our Wedding Day

In July of 2011, just a few months after we announced officially to the world that we were an item, we decided to go ahead and get married. We gave ourselves plenty of time to get in shape for the wedding...just over two weeks. (Lots of people thought that I was pregnant, but we were just really, really excited, and really, really sure.)

In those two weeks, my old roommate, Lydia (who's expecting her first baby in October!) made us a workout plan. She's a personal trainer, so I knew it would be tough. And let me tell you, it was tough! I don't think I've ever been so sore in my entire life than after a few days of her workout.

In two weeks you don't see much of a difference, but it was the workout series that kickstarted the journey I'm on now.

After we got married, we decided that we would pay to be members of a gym here in Richmond (the Richmond Athletic Club). There, I started taking Zumba, running/jogging on the elliptical, and using free weights (mainly for my arms), and most recently, I started taking Yoga and doing the abs workout used in P90x videos.

In the 11 months since we've been married, I've seen definite improvement in my muscle tone (meaning, there is starting to actually be muscle tone), but I'm nowhere close to being where I want to be.

My plan is to dedicate this blog to my weight loss/muscle toning/fitness journey. I titled it I Want to Be a Tree because of a blog post I wrote on my other blog, Love is the Key to Everything (if you wanna check it out, there's a tab link at the top of the page!). I hope using this blog to document my successes and failures will help keep me motivated to keep going. I'll share my struggles, my weaknesses, and my victories for anyone who wants to read it. My hope is that at least one person will benefit from my story, and maybe add to it with their own.