Totem Animal: Deer

Tonight, my friend Casey and I were talking about how she discovered her spirit guide/animal during her yoga teacher training. I was very curious about what mine was, so she got out her Medicine Cards and handed them to me. I held them, shuffled them, focused on the kind of person I wanted to be and about what kind of life I wanted to live, I focused on what was important to me (being a good mom someday, a good wife, a good daughter, and loving my friends and the people around me as much as I could), and then I flipped a card over. 

I drew Deer. 

When I drew the card, it was Contrary (upside down), but I'll get to that. 

While I don't think I live up to what Deer is yet (the Contrary is definitely more where my life is right now), it is what I want my life to be like. 

Here's what the book, Medicine Cards, says about Deer.

Deer (Gentleness):

One day Fawn heard Great Spirit calling to her from the top of Sacred Mountain. Fawn immediately started up the trail. She did not know that a horrible demon guarded the way to Great Spirit's lodge. The demon was trying to keep all the beings of creation from connecting with Great Spirit. He wanted all of Great Spirit's creatures to feel that Great Spirit did not want to be disturbed. This would make the demon fell powerful, and capable of causing them to fear him.

Fawn was not at all frightened when she came upon the demon. This was curious, as the demon was the archetype of all the ugly monsters that have ever been. The demon breathed fire and smoke and made disgusting sounds to frighten Fawn. Any normal creature would have fled or died on the spot from fright.

Fawn, however, said gently to the demon, "Please let me pass. I am on the way to see Great Spirit."

Fawn's eyes were filled with love and compassion for this oversized bully of a demon. The demon was astounded by Fawn's lack of fear. No matter how he tried, he could not frighten Fawn, because her love had penetrated his hardened, ugly heart.

Much to demon's dismay, his rock-hard heart began to melt, and his body shrank to the size of a walnut. Fawn's persistent love and gentleness had caused the melt-down of the demon. Due to this gentleness and caring that Fawn embodied, the pathway was now clear for all of Great Spirit's children to reach Sacred Mountain without having to feel the demons of fear blocking their way.

Deer teaches us to use the power of gentleness to touch the hearts and minds of wounded beings who are trying to keep us from Sacred Mountain. Like the dappling Fawn's coat, both the light and dark may be loved to create gentleness and safety for those who are seeking peace.

If Deer has gently nudged its way into your life today, you are being asked to find the gentleness of spirit that heals all wounds. Stop pushing so hard to get others to change, and love them as they are. Apply gentleness to your present situation and become like the summer breeze: warm and caring. This is your tool for solving the present dilemma you are facing. If you use it, you will connect with Sacred Mountain, your centering place of serenity, and Great Spirit will guide you.

When you draw a card upside down (Contrary), it means something a little different. I drew Deer Contrary, rather than just Deer. Here's what the book had to say. When I initially read it, I couldn't help but laugh at how true this was for my life. Somehow, reading it shone light on some issues of mine that I haven't seen a way to get away from. I think this is going to help me immensely, and I'm so excited about that!

Contrary:

Deer in the contrary position indicates that you are courting your fear by fighting the internal demons of negative ideas. This is a clue to you that force is not always the best method. You may not be willing to love yourself enough to feel your fears and let them go. You may be projecting your fears on others. It may also be others whom you fear, reminding you of a time when you reacted to life in much the same manner. At any rate, love is the key. The only true balance to power is the love and compassion of Deer. Be willing to find things to love about yourself and others, and your demons will melt away. Your fears cannot exist in the same place that love and gentleness abide.

Remember, Fawn can teach you many lessons about unconditional love. In its true application, unconditional love means that no strings are attached. The gentleness of Fawn is the heart-space of Great Spirit which embodies Great Spirit's love for us all.

If you know me at all, you'll know that this speaks so loudly to me about my life.

I struggle with loving myself, and with fears that are based around others loving me, every single day without exception.

How interesting and wonderful to read this and hear it so clearly in my heart.

Overview:

As a power animal, Deer stresses that there are other ways than force, and shows that there is a power in the gentle word and touch, and that strength comes through caring.

You are confronted by those whose attitudes cause you pain and sorrow, and sometimes even fear. But it is they who are the wounded ones, and whoever tries to help them will only make matters worse. To soothe them you must touch their hearts with the healing balm of the gentle spirit and the embrace of kindness.

Deer teaches the need for compassion and kindness towards others and yourself. Don't drive yourself so harshly! Be gentle with yourself, and you will cease to project your fears onto others. Deer is a power animal that is directing you towards a serenity of heart, mind and spirit. Gentleness has the power to melt a heart of stone.

Be gentle with yourself and offer kindess to all living things.

Inhale. Exhale. Repeat.

So often in life, I find myself with stressors (some that exist only in my mind) piling on my shoulders. 

Work. Chores. Relationships. 

Inadequacies. Jealousies. 

Deadlines. Life goals.

These things pile up so high that I feel like I'll be crushed under their weight. My body reacts physically, as if those things in my heart and in my head are real, tangible weights that have been strapped to me. My trapezius muscles get so tight it feels like they might snap. My shoulders curl in toward the front of my body. I grind my teeth and furrow my brow until my head throbs. I'm so tense all over that my bones seem to ache.

When I'm on my yoga mat, I can let go of all that tension, at least for the hour or so that my mat is my home. It's taken about nine months for me to get to the place where my mat is somewhere I run to feel better, but now that it is that place, I want to be there as often as I can.

Last week, my yoga instructor, Stephanie, taught us a mantra that one of her instructors had taught her. 

"Inhale. Exhale. Repeat." 

No matter what's going on in your head, no matter what's going on in your heart, you can inhale, exhale, and repeat. 

Our breath keeps us alive. In yoga, we practice pranayama, which means "extension of the breath," or "extension of the life force." We begin most classes with different deep breathing exercises that fill our lungs up and empty them completely. It's amazing how different I feel after this part of class. My whole body feels lighter, and those burdens from before melt away a little at a time until I'm fully present on my mat. I use my time on my mat to stretch myself physically, but also to stretch myself psychologically. I take control of my thoughts and my feelings for that hour and rest in stillness, even when I'm moving through different poses/asanas...or falling down.

But then, at the end of class, I have to say Namaste, stand up, roll up my mat, and head back out into the world. At this point, it's often hard for me to maintain that feeling of lightness. I walk into the cold, get in my car, do whatever errands need to be done, and after just a little while, my neck and shoulders are tight rubber bands again. To calm down, I can't really sink into a king pigeon (eka pada rajakapotasana) in the middle of the super market, or rest in down dog (adho mukha svanasana), but I can control how I breathe. I can practice my ujjayi pranayama (ocean breath) and let that soothe my nerves, or I can focus on having equal ratio breaths (sama vritti) to take my mind off of the commotion around me. I can inhale, exhale, and repeat until my tension melts into nothing.

This is my new goal: not to let life overwhelm me. So far, when I've been stressed, or life has gotten rocky, my momma has always been there to tell me, "This too shall pass, little one." I always knew she was right, but never knew how to control my emotional state long enough to allow the thing that was weighing on me to go away. Now I have a way to help me allow these trials, obstacles, and weights, to pass. I'll inhale and I'll exhale, over and over and over. 

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Side note: My eka pada rajakapotasana progress!